#Death and dying

[saycheeseandsmile]

[diana-andraste]

Femme piquée par un serpent, Auguste Clésinger, 1847

[wesleyscreaming]

its always ”b-b-but arent you DEAD??” and never ”was it fun getting buried it looked fun?” never ”was it difficult to claw your way through the soft earth?” they NEVER ask if the first breath of air after fighting myself out of my coffin was refreshing and tasted like sorrow and relief. it did. by the way. not that anyone CARES >:(

[weirdlookindog]

Jean Grandville (1803–1847) - La Mort et le Mourant (Death and Dying), 1838

illustration for Jean de La Fontaine's 'Fables de La Fontaine, édition illustrée par J. J. Grandville'

[potatoesarecheese]

oh, nothing. just thinking about...

characters that simply refuse to die

characters where the universe will not let them die, you have one more job, you have one more purpose, you have just one more day that you have to live through- and they keep living because they know that the universe is right.

characters that stand on deaths door for just a few seconds too long, and then turn around. they are drawn back to the land of the living through love and fear and pure spite and the raw, visceral need to live.

characters who stand on deaths door and knock, and are let in for afternoon tea. who are so familiar with death that they can have a friendly chat with the reaper, and then return to the land of the living.

characters that crawl out of their graves hissing and spitting and something entirely inhuman, intent on dying again and dragging as many people along with them.

characters that crawl out of their graves screaming and crying, so full of pain that all they can do is wander the streets and wail. no one listened to them in life, so they refuse to be forgotten in death.

characters that crawl out of their graves hollow and carry their burdens alone. they fill their hollow bodies with someone else's tears and take away everyone's sorrow, because they've already survived this much, they can handle a little more. and by the time they realize they're dying again, it's already too late.

[pissboy-supreme]

Crow skull - my first ever cleaned find! It’s the length of my middle finger and incredibly delicate. I’m scared to whiten it more cause I don’t want to damage the bone. I’ve been burying animals (especially crows) since I can remember, so it seems perfect that I’d start with one.

Rest in peace, little guy 💙

[lakeville-lolita]

two can keep a secret if one of them is dead

abandoned morgue

[anonymousobsidian]

[dozydawn]

Dying, Death, and Bereavement: A Challenge for Living (2003) by Inge Corless, Barbara B. Germino, and Mary A. Pittman.

[shaotie]

Seven Years chapter list with links to my fic on ao3

(I might change the names of the chapters/archs as I do the final proof read, but this is what I have so far)

updates are planned for Mondays or Tuesdays, I'll do the best I can to stick to a schedule but this crazy thing called life doesn't always want to cooperate with my plans

- masterpost for my rottmnt ao3 fanfics and art

Arch 1 Everything Falls Apart

[1. Seven Years or One Day?][2. It Begins][3. The Whole Truth][4. The Truth Hurts][5. Turtle Meat][6. Brotherly 'Bonding'][7. An Angry Turtle and a Very Tired One][8. Mystic Attack][9. Apologies, Apologies, Apologies]

Arch 2: I Lied I'm Dying Inside

[10. Family Brunch][(Not) a Glitch in the System][12. Skateboards and Nose Bleeds][13. Four Years and Three Months][14. Master Leonardo][15. Three Words I Never Thought I'd Hear Draxum Say][16. Big Bro Bonding Night][17. Hurl Day Champ][18. Even Heroes Like Bar Nuts][19. Start of the Big Day]

Arch 3: Sicker and Sicker Still

[20. A Sudden Turn for the Worse][21. A Weird Dream, or am I Already Dead?][22. More Weirdness for a Dying Turtle][23. You're Not My Family][24. Who Will Live and Who Will Die?][25. Why Didn't You Tell Us?][26. You Are Hallucinating][27. Unconscious or Awake?][27. Sophisticated Five-in-One Microwave][29. I'm Sorry I'm Dying][30. Leonardo Hamato][31. An Important Message for a Busy Skeleton]

Arch 4: I Don't Belong Here Anymore

[32. Disaster Twins at it Again][33. A Real Life Unicorn!][34. Painting Keeps Me Crazy][35. Raph][36. Not Falling Asleep][37. Coconut Lime Body Mist]

Arch 5: This Whole Situation

[38. This Whole Situation][39. Leonardo?][40. Something Strange][41. Mystic Butterflies][Clocks and a Supernova][43. I Miss You So Much, Dad][44. A Step in the Right Direction][45. Sitting on the Bed][46. INeedAMinute!]

Arch 6 - TBA

[cciujelteeb]

i don't like leon (in a good way)

@villcipher EVERYONE REBLOG NOOWOWOWOWOWOWO

[diana-andraste]

The Spirit Leaves the Body, Duane Michals, 1968

[mortalityisoverrated]

I so desperately don't want to stop existing. I want to keep learning and thinking and feeling, I want to experience everything I possibly can, I want to see how the future looks. I try to live life to the fullest but I already had such a late start, being disabled and too poor to afford care until very recently. It was only through sheer luck that I was able to get to where I am now in life, and the second I started to really enjoy myself, I suddenly can't escape the knowledge that one day it will end. And life after death being the same as life before birth does not comfort me. I know what happened before I was born, I get to experience the past to a certain extent while I'm alive, but the future? I will never see the future. It feels like the world is ending, my chest gets tight, my heart starts beating so fast and loud in my ears, my brain gets cold and fuzzy, my fingertips go numb and tingly, and suddenly I'm hyperventilating and dizzy and sobbing on the floor.

There's just not enough time. I'm so young, only 26, and yet the past decade went by so fast it's like I was 16 and I blinked and now I'm close to 30. And sometimes, the fact that I'm so young also scares me. It means that the worst thing to happen to me probably hasn't happened yet. So many diseases I could get, accidents that could happen. And then BOOM, no more me. No more of everything I've ever known. I smoked heavily for 8 years, and even though I've now quit, what if those 8 years were enough to end me? I just hope that when I do die, I'm not aware that I'm about to die, because I know that I wouldn't enjoy my final seconds. I would be desperately clinging to life, begging a god I've never believed in to please let me stay a little longer. Please let me exist just for a few more hours, days, years. Don't take this away from me, please.

Sometimes I write in my journal little messages to future humans, where I give consent to bring me back. Just in case in some distant future they finally crack the code, please I give you permission, please bring me back, please give me another chance. I find myself imagining an ethics board of futuristic scientists all debating whether or not it's morally okay to bring past humans back to life. They will be using quantum computers to scan massive databases of archived journals written by ancient humans, and then they will find my little plea. And they'll bring me back.

[kasagia]

My (and your) tears ricochet

Pairing: Klaus Mikaelson x reader Summary: You and Klaus have a difficult relationship. For 500 years, you bond, break up, and get back together, being both your worst nightmares and your longed-for dreams. But after Lucien bites you and you die in Klaus' arms, the true feelings of your "lover" come out. And you're as delighted as devastated. Warning(s): angst, de@th, mourn, mentions of depression/mental breakdown, vampire violence, a bit of comfort at the end Word count: 5k+ Inspired by: "My tears ricochet" - Taylor Swift

We gather here, we line up, weepin' in a sunlit room

I never thought this would be my end. Killed by one of Klaus' many enemies because I rushed to save the love of my life. An Y/N from 200 years ago would have laughed in my face for my own stupidity.

To die for Klaus Mikaelson - the enemy of my family, the bane of my existence, and the only one I ever truly desired.

It would have been as improbable to my past self as the entire Mikaelson family mourning me with my sister Katherine by their side.

Yet I was here. In the spirit world, watching the original vampires and Kath line up in front of my coffin, they silently watched the sunlight illuminate my gray, lifeless face.

Maybe Klaus was supposed to be my undoing after all.

At least Katerina put me in a nice dress.

Even on my worst day, did I deserve, babe All the hell you gave me?

Involuntarily, I began to reminisce about the events leading up to my unexpected death, as I was looking at Klaus' stone, emotionless face.

"What? I betrayed you?! I should've seen that coming. After everything I do and sacrifice for you, you still can't trust me, can you? I'll never be your precious Camille."

"Don't bring her to this! I'll ask you just once more and for your own good, love, tell me the truth. Did you tell Aurora about her?!"

"No Klaus. I didn't tell your psychopathic ex that you were fucking your therapist. You have to find someone else to blame for her death."

"I didn't fuck with her."

"And I don't care."

I turned away from him to leave his studio, but the man grabbed my arm in a strong, aching grip, effectively stopping me. I turned to meet his furious gaze again.

"We're not finished."

"YES, WE ARE! I'm so done with being a toy you can throw out and take back whenever you want! I deserve something more than a hybrid who has an existential problem with himself and thousands of enemies on his back. I'm done with you and whatever is between us. You're not worthy of my time, and I'm so dumb to believe that you can feel something more than anger or a desire for power. Mikael was right about you. You're just a scared boy who is pushing everyone away from you because you're too afraid of being betrayed."

I burst out, fed up with his sick attitude. From the moment I arrived at his call, he treated me with fucking hostility and distance. After everything we've been through together, I didn't deserve to be treated like a traitor. 

At least that's what I told myself to keep from falling apart, seeing the complete lack of love for me in his captivating eyes, which I loved as much as the day we first met.

"Calm down. I've killed people for lesser slander. You're lucky you're still breathing, love." he whispered, placing his hand on my neck and squeezing it lightly to remind me that he could end my life at any moment. Good thing I was never afraid of him.

"And you're lucky to still have someone by your side after hurting your whole family again and again. This killing of everyone out of fear that someone would dare lay hand on you is pathetic. And as you can see, it doesn't quite work well." I snarled, yanking my arm out of his grip and walking away from the even angrier man than before.

After all, the one that wins will be the one that hits the hardest. This was always our guiding principle whenever we argued and broke up for a couple of decades.

'Cause I loved you, I swear I loved you 'Til my dying day

"Are you leaving so soon, sister? You just came." Katherine asked as I ran down the stairs towards the exit of the mansion.

"Well, apparently my presence is not needed here. In the house of the great Klaus Mikaelson, there is no place for vile traitors and untrustworthy whores."

"You can not fool me! I know what you really think and feel. And I sympathize with you with all my heart. You're making the right choice, little sister. He is not worthy of your love."

"I didn't ask for your opinion." I growled, unable to bear what she was saying and knowing that it was true.

"You still love him... after everything he has done, after he pretended to be with this bartander and broke your heart..."

"Once again. I didn't ask about your opinion, Katerina." I interrupted her to hurry out of the house. If I had known then that this would be one of our last conversations…

And you're the hero flying around, saving face

"What the hell do you think you're doing?! Lucien is running around trying to get to my loved ones at all costs, and you're taking bloody walks around New Orleans?!" Klaus was yelling at me after he pushed me against the wall of one of the alleys.

"You just answered yourself. Lucien is after your loved ones, and I am not one of them."

"Stupid woman, can't you see how much you mean to me?!"

"You've shown me this for the last fucking weeks by flirting with Aurora and playing Camille's damn boyfriend!"

"I did it to protect you!"

"Not telling me anything, keeping me like a prisoner in your house, and treating me worse than an enemy - this is what you call a fucking protection?!"

"How else was I supposed to keep you from participating in a war that wasn't yours and keep you safe at the same time?!"

"It would be too easy to let me know your plans, wouldn't it?"

"Can't you understand that I can't let anything happen to you?! That losing you too will be the final nail in my coffin!"

Suddenly, a strange, disturbing feeling came over me.

"Klaus."

"No. Let me finally end this and tell what's should be told 500 houndreds bloody years ago." Completely unable to focus on Klaus' words, I glanced over to see what was going on behind him. Lucien pointed the pistol at him with a smirk. Whatever was loaded into the gun, it couldn't end well. "Y/N, I love…"

The shot drowned out what he wanted to say. In an instant, I switched places with him, taking a shot at myself. I gasped as I felt my cool blood begin to ooze from the newly formed wound. My gaze, however, stayed hard on Klaus' terrified eyes.

Lucien's venom.

"Y/N!" his scream managed to cut through my dazed body before I collapsed limply on top of him, sinking into the enticing, blissful darkness.

We gather stones, never knowing what they'll mean Some to throw, some to make a diamond ring

"I don't see a bit of sense in what we're doing." Klaus whined as we walked along the lakeshore. Every now and then I would stop to pick up a nicer pebble and put it in one of our pouches.

"Don't be grumpy, old man. Had you never done this when you were a child?"

"We had other activities. Hunting, learning to fight, mother being one of the more ambitious decided to teach us to read and write - looking at Elijah, one of her worst ideas. We had all kinds of holidays, but we never did something as stupid as collecting useless stones."

"My God, you're worse than Katerina. Shouldn't you, as an artist, see beauty even in something as simple as stone? Besides, what if we happen to come across a diamond thrown away by some rich aristocrat's angry mistress? I'm about to waste my chance at finding a ridiculously expensive gem just because you're particularly cranky today." I asked indignantly, pulling him closer to me and smirking as I waited for his response.

"Your overactive imagination worries me sometimes. Also, I'm capable of giving you your own diamond if you want." he replied, unconvinced, staring at me with feigned concern. Sparks of amusement shone in his mesmerizingly beautiful eyes.

"As far as I remember, my imagination didn't bother you last night. You actually complimented it a lot."

"I won't answer that, just because, apparently, I'm the only one in our humble company who cares about a little tact."

"Well… you weren't last night." I kissed him briefly and run away from him laughing.

"Come here, you little tempting, irritating thing!" he shouted, chasing after me with his own smirk.

He grabbed me, pulling my back to his chest. I started laughing even more as he started placing small kisses down my neck.

"I can give you every little diamond ring you want. Just say a word." he whispered in my ear, nuzzling my jaw with his nose.

You know I didn't want to have to haunt you But what a ghostly scene

Consciousness slowly began to return to my body. I felt like I was in a sea of ​​verbena. Every little muscle burned with hellish pain.

I must have been in hell.

"Not yet, love. I won't let you get away from me that easily. You must fight." his voice instantly brought me back.

I struggled to open my eyes, hissing at the blinding sunlight. The man sitting by my bed rushed to the windows, covering them, before immediately returning to sit by my side. I felt a sudden pressure on my skull. I angrily pushed his hand away, severing the connection between us.

"Get out of my mind." I wheezed, wincing as I heard my hoarse voice. The hybrid, undaunted by my condition, moved closer to me and handed me a glass of blood from the bedside table.

"Make me, love. I dare you." he whispered as he watched me greedily drink the red liquid.

He helped me hold the glass in my hand, embracing it and stroking it tenderly with his thumb. Had it not been for the knowledge that I would die in a few hours, I might have found the whole scene romantic.

"You know that even if you throw me a thousand challenges, you won't keep me for long. I'm gonna die, Klaus. Like Finn and Cami."

"NO. I will not let you. I'll go to Lucien and snatch this damned cure from his throat."

"Klaus, I'm already dead. There is no need…" he cut me off, tangling his hand in my hair to pull me into a desperate, demanding, needy kiss.

I let the warmth of his lips touch me one last time, letting a soft moan escape my throat as the emotions I felt became too much for me to hide any longer. He grabbed my waist, pulling me to him so that I was sitting on his lap. We broke apart. I leaned my head against his forehead, staring into his tear-filled eyes.

"You can't leave me. Not like that."

"I guess I don't have much choice." I whispered in a trembling voice, stroking his cheek tenderly, trying to wipe the tears from his eyes. "Klaus? Earlier in this alley, before all this happened, You said you love me. I…" he didn't let me finish by pressing his lips against mine again.

"You can say you love me tomorrow. You won't die today, love." he kissed my forehead and left in such a hurry that I couldn't even try to talk him out of the stupid idea of chasing Lucien.

I could only hope he wouldn't do something stupid and share my fate.

You wear the same jewels that I gave you As you bury me

The funeral was not extraordinary or grand. By Mikaelson's standards, it was quite modest and therefore more personal. It was good to know they'd miss my presence, but I couldn't focus on anyone but Klaus.

He was strangely calm. Emotionless, expressionless. Like a dead sculpture. My concern for the vampire only increased when I saw the necklace (which I gave him for his 1,000th birthday) with the pendant of a wolf howling at the moon hanging proudly from his neck, gleaming in the sunlight. His blue eyes stared blankly at my coffin, which they were hiding in the crypt.

Somewhere in the distance, I could hear Katerina and Rebekah crying.

However, the one person I cared about and worried about ever since I left the world of the living spent the entire funeral in astonishing silence.

It was at that moment that I knew he wouldn't accept my departure so easily.

I smiled as I saw Elijah come over to comfort him afterward. My smile faded as the hybrid growled aggressively at him, shoved his brother away, and ran to a place only known to him.

It must have been harder for him than he dared show anyone.

"Please, let one of his siblings be able to get to him. Despite his best efforts to keep them at a distance."

And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake? Cursing my name, wishing I stayed Look at how my tears ricochet

If I thought the funeral was hard for Klaus, then the wake must be his true hell.

Most of the originals have recovered by now, sitting in their living room sipping drinks, recalling all the funny, sad, and crazy things that had to do with me.

I thought it would somehow ease his pain.

Katerina seemed a little cheerier as she talked about all the compromising situations that WERE SUPPOSED to go with me to the grave. But I couldn't really blame her. I would probably do the same in the reverse situation.

It was Kol who unwittingly unleashed the storm.

"Remember when Nik tried to propose to her in the 19th century, here in New Orleans?" my heart and the whole world around me stopped for a moment. Propose?

"What?! How?" my sister's surprised exclamation perfectly reflected my current state. I had no idea that idea could ever enter his head.

"He has had hundreds of attempts over the centuries, but at this time most of us thought he'd finally made it." a single tear escaped my eye as I lamented the future that would never happen. "I even spent all of my money from the safe in Chicago because Nik had planned to…"

The sound of shattering glass echoed through the room, silencing the original. Everyone's attention shifted to Klaus, who had shards of glass stuck in his hands. A trickle of blood began to form from his hand, staining the chair and the carpet beneath it.

"I have enough of this pathetic show." he snarled, brushing off the shards of glass as he walked away to his art studio. Rebekah and Elijah didn't give up so easily, catching up with him on the stairs.

"Is that how your life will look now? You'll growl at us every time we mention Y/…" 

"DON'T EVEN DARE SAY HER NAME!" he burst out, running to his studio. Elijah gave his sister a knowing look and returned to the living room, letting her do her thing.

Rebekah and I followed the hybrid, finding him in the middle of the ruined room, weeping over one of my portraits that had miraculously survived the crash. The blonde kneeled, hugging her brother and combing his hair comfortingly.

"Oh, Nik. That pain will never go away if you don't accept…"

"I WILL NEVER ACCEPT THIS!" he wrenched himself free from her grip, wary of the painting. "And this damn witch knew it! She enchanted me the first time I saw her. She put a dark spell on me, so I never found any other woman even a little bit as attractive as her. She is my heart, my half soul, my happiness, my sadness, and my madness, and now… now she is gone. And will be my curse for the rest of my life, Rebekah. Nothing can change that, especially not passing time, because every second, every minute, every hour, and every day without her by my side is meaningless."

"But you two were apart before, and you never acted like that, Nik."

"It was easier to let her go knowing she was happy and safe rather than cold and dead in some bloody tomb."

"And what about Hope? Your daughter, remember? You must be strong for her."

"Maybe it would have been better if she had never known the wasted shell I became after SHE left."

The blast of air (and all that mess) was all he left behind. Rebekah hesitantly reached for my portrait, staring at it with tears in her eyes.

However, it may not be so easy to let me go for all of them.

And I can go anywhere I want Anywhere I want, just not home

"You just beat yourself up more. By the way, he himself too." Cami's voice came from behind me. I turned to face her, leaving the hybrid alone with my crypt for a moment.

"I thought it was healthy to grieve a little over someone's death."

"Yes, but what you two are doing is obsessive and bordering on pre-depressive. You must let him go. And he you. Holding on to him will get you nowhere. If you don't want peace yet, you might as well travel to other places. You can go anywhere you want."

"Anywhere I want, just not home." I muttered bitterly, looking at the hybrid sitting across from my grave and sipping a bottle of bourbon.

"I don't think I can do anything here. Just remember you have a choice, okay?"

"You're going to find peace?"

"Yes, and don't make me wait there alone for long. Watching them won't help you. I'm so sorry, Y/N." she gave me one last comforting, sad smile and turned to leave.

"Good luck, Camille!" I called after her and turned on my way, approaching Klaus again.

"For you too. I hope you'll find your peace." I heard before the blonde was gone for good.

"I already did." I murmured, grabbing Klaus' hand, enjoying the slim chance of being close to him. At the very least, I could fool myself into thinking I was still with him. 

Because the truth was that I would never find my peace without him.

And you can aim for my heart, go for blood But you would still miss me in your bones

Klaus had slept for a week and stayed only in my bedroom, occasionally popping up to visit my grave. With a heavy heart, I laid down next to him on my bed, watching him sleep peacefully, hugging my pillow, and inhaling my scent left on it.

Involuntarily, I remembered my last hours in this bed.

"I will kill anyone you thought was your friend. I will tear out their throats and hearts one by one and torture them until they feel half as much pain as I will feel. I'll make this whole bloody world go up in flames, and it'll never rise from its fall, and neither will I if you leave me."

"Were you always so dramatic, or did it just happen in your old age?" I taunted, taking a sip of water to cover up my earlier sudden coughing fit from him. But I doubt I'll be able to explain the blood on the mirror if he looks in the bathroom when he returns.

"I'm not joking, love. If you die before I find a cure, I'll follow you straight to hell and drag you back with me. No one and nothing can take you from me."

"I'd find it romantic if you didn't presume that I'm the spawn of the devil. What if I'm an angel in disguise?"

"Then they did a fantastic job of camouflaging you. I have to go now, love. You have one task: Don't die. Can you do it?"

"I'll try. Nik, I lo..." he hung up before I could finish. "I love you, Nik." I whispered to myself, trying my hardest to control the sudden dizziness.

Klaus, whatever you're doing, please do it faster.

And I still talk to you (When I'm screaming at the sky) And when you can't sleep at night (You hear my stolen lullabies)

"I think you should go in the red one. This color has always suited you." I mumbled as I stood next to my sister and watched her look at herself in the mirror.

At one point, she sighed resignedly, falling onto the bed where Rebekah was sitting. The blonde pulled away from the phone, glancing at the doppelgänger.

"What's wrong with you this time? We went through all our wardrobes, and you didn't pick anything? You always look stunning, just go for something."

"Usually, it was Y/N who helped me choose a dress for a date."

The deafening silence that filled the room probably hurt me more than it hurt them. How I would love to be there with them.

"I'm… I'm sorry."

"You don't have to. How could you know? I just… really miss her."

"Yeah. Me too. All of us do."

"I'd probably borrow something from her if she was still here and if Klaus wasn't guarding her room like a vault."

"Speaking of him, I should probably check on him. If you can hear me in any way, take the little red one. Elijah will be delighted." I said getting out of bed and heading to my bedroom. I've probably spent more time in it as a ghost than a vampire.

I entered the room, neatly dodging the piles of books and clothes that Klaus had scattered around, looking for things that still smelled of me. I dreaded thinking what he would do when they were gone. Maybe he'll be in the mood to use my perfume instead and go outside? It was the best scenario.

I sighed, recognizing his curled form on the bed. He was wearing my favorite sweatpants and a (too big for me) sweatshirt. I was a little scared that he could easily fit into my clothes. Several bottles of alcohol and bags of blood were placed next to him. At least he was feeding. I sat next to him, running my hand through his hair (pretending to do so).

"I know it's hard for you and that you can't move on; come to terms with what happened. I'd probably be in much worse shape if I couldn't hear you, see your ridiculously handsome face. But you are stronger than me. Much stronger. You have to get out of this. For yourself, for your siblings, for Hope… for me." I began to cry, trying to somehow hug the also weeping hybrid. "I'm so sorry, Nik."

Suddenly, a very angry Hayley burst into the room with a nervous Elijah behind her.

"KLAUS! That's enough! You have to get yourself in order and get out of this hole. It will be best if you go for a walk with YOUR DAUGHTER. Do you still remember her? Hope misses you and has been restless for several weeks. I can't calm her down, so do your fatherly duty and move your ass, or I'll do it for you."

"Go away." he mumbled, not even looking up since they came in.

The brunette snorted, trying to take my blanket from him, which covered him. As soon as her hands were on the material, the hybrid growled, snatching it from her hands and pinning the woman by the neck to the wall.

"Touch her stuff again, and I'll make it the last thing you do in your miserable, meaningless life."

"Niklaus! Let her go!" I screamed along with Elijah. Klaus ignored his brother, only tightening his grip on the barely alive woman.

"Do you think Y/N would want you to kill your baby's mother?"

Luckily, this convinced the hybrid. He released Hayley from his grip and shoved them both out of the room, locking the door behind them. He threw himself heavily on the bed, inhaling my scent to calm himself down. After a while, tears started flowing from his eyes.

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace And so the battleships will sink beneath the waves You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same

The worst thing about this illness wasn't the debilitating pain. Loneliness was the worst.

Each of the Mikaelsons and Katerina were involved in obtaining the cure. They still had hope. But I resigned myself to my fate the moment Lucien's venom pierced my body with a wooden ball.

That didn't mean I wanted to die alone.

As if on cue, Katerina burst into my room and sat on the bed next to me. I could see her lips move, but I couldn't hear a sound in the world. It wasn't until she poured a glass of cold water over me that my complete consciousness returned to me.

"Are you crazy?!" I shouted. "If you want to get me to my grave faster, there are other ideas." Katerina stopped laughing and suddenly tensed up, glaring reproachfully at me.

"Don't even dare say that. You're not going to die, do you understand? Klaus is getting a cure right now. You will recover. I promise." she said, grabbing my hand and planting a kiss on my forehead, brushing sweaty, wet strands of hair out of my eyes.

"You may be the best liar that ever walked on this earth, but I always knew when you were lying."

"I'm glad I'm not doing it this time. You'll see, you'll be cruising around again in a few hours, avoiding Klaus' argument about obeying his orders."

"At least when I go to hell, I'll meet our father and kick his ass for separating you from Nadia. Maybe Mikael and Dahlia will be on my hit list too." I mumbled, giving in after several hours to the urge to close my eyes. Then I felt that I had been shivering with fever all this time.

"Y/N, open your eyes. You've got to open your eyes for me, just for a little while longer. Please, Y/N."

"We should saddle our horses today and take a ride to the lake. We haven't done that for a long time."

"We'll go to Bulgaria I promise, just open your eyes for me. Molya te, sestrichke otvori ochi."

"Obicham te Katerina." I whispered, feeling the last bloody tears fall from my eyes.

"Y/N! Wake up! Freya!" Katherine screamed in panic, trying to wake me up by shaking my shoulders.

The next few minutes were weightless as I waited to pass into the ghost world. With the remnants of my ebbing life, I felt the commotion around my bed. The bitter liquid was forced down my throat, and someone clenched my jaw to make sure I didn't spit out the horrible liquid. In the background, I could still hear Freya and Davina mumbling, Katerina and Rebekah crying, and Klaus screaming in rage before I was swallowed up in pain-relieving darkness for good.

Cursing my name, wishing I stayed You turned into your worst fears And you're tossing out blame, drunk on this pain Crossing out the good years And you're cursing my name, wishing I stayed Look at how my tears ricochet

It's been a month and a half since my death, and Klaus has made one small, significant progress. He didn't throw his fangs at anyone who so much as uttered my name. After the attack on Hayley, he had controlled his aggression and was not a relative danger to society. Well… at least not more than usual.

I, on the other hand, felt much better than a months ago. My vampire speed somehow reactivated, saving me from chasing the rushing original for half a day. Also, watching my loved ones brought me some relief. Only Klaus was still stuck in place, unable to let me go.

Hayley and Freya joined forces to talk some sense into him and set him on the right path. But even their best efforts could not change the stubborn hybrid's mind.

That's how I got here. At my grave, watching Klaus clean it and add new flowers, throwing out the ones that had faded since his visit yesterday. I got more flowers from him after I died than I've had in 500 goddamn years.

He usually worked in silence, occasionally humming some old song I made him sing ages ago when I was upset. He has always had a wonderful voice.

But today, after a particularly bad fight with Hayley, Elijah, and Freya, he sat on the bench in front of my tombs and did something he hadn't done before. He was talking to me (or rather, to a stone slab with my name on it, but still).

"I know you wouldn't approve of my behavior. I know you would yell at me and get angry. My gods, I never imagined that I would miss it so much. I really wish I could be there for Hope, but I can't. I can't let her see me like this. Even if she's so little now. I know she needs me, but... everyone I love is dying. And I can't let anyone else die again because of me. Especially not my daughter. I want her to live. I want her to grow up. I want her to love, even if it brings you pain and sadness. Be a strong and beautiful woman, as you and her mother. I don't know what to do, Y/N. And I really wish that you were here to tell me, my little vampire."

A fountain of tears spilled from both his and my eyes. For the first time today, I reached for him, pulling him to me in a poor imitation of a hug.

The hybrid jumped up from the bench in fear, staring shocked and suspiciously at the place he had recently occupied. My heart beat faster. Did he? No. It is impossible. Klaus has the same incredulous look as mine. But what if…

"Y/N?" for the first time in these long, cold months, I shed a wave of relief tears. I sat there in shock, staring at the uncertain hybrid with unimaginable happiness. He could feel me. Like I him. "Please, show me it's you, and I'm not delusional."

I rushed over to him, hugging him with all my might. The hybrid almost knocked us to the ground. He probably didn't hear my loud laugh because he would have looked a little more offended than full of disbelief and happiness.

"I'll recognize that smell anywhere. Cruel woman, if you really are just a figment of my imagination and I make a fool of myself by running to my siblings with this, then know that I will meet you soon in hell and will not let your soul depart from me again." I slapped his shoulder for saying such nonsense, and he just laughed, gropingly trying to pull me closer to his chest.

I allowed myself, for the first time in months, to sink into the blissful feel of his warm skin. We needed a moment to ourselves before he shared this discovery with Freya, and their next fight to retrieve me from death's clutches began. For now, I enjoyed Klaus' clinginess.

"Don't even think that I'll deprive you of your touch for a moment. I'm going to hold you until the end of the bloody world." he whispered, moving around me from memory to put his chin on top of my head after he kissed me there softly.

It sounded good. But I knew it wouldn't be enough for us for long.

[done-with-the-shit]

It's too late...

Dazai x Depressed Reader

When it comes to posts with this title people usually write headcanons or oneshots about how Dazai treats Reader, and how he helps them with their problems. But I was thinking.. What if he is too late to realize what's going on? I know that he is very intelligent and good at analyzing others behavior but still! What if he didn't..? What if Reader just had enough of everything and decided to end it all? And most importantly.. What if Dazai was too late to stop them?

Anime: Bungou Stray Dogs

Characters: Dazai Osamu

Warnings: Mentions of Depression and Suicide

Note: GN!Reader

It was a cold rainy night. You were in your apartment looking out the window, listening to the rain pouring outside. Such a scenery had always calmed you down during the hard times but not today.. This time you were over it... you were done.

You couldn't take all the arguments with your family, all the fake friends who did nothing more than use you. You couldn't keep up with your work because your mind was always all over the place.. and the worst part? There were a few people who deeply cared about you but you couldn't ask them for help. You didn't want to be a burden to them.. you didn't want to bother them with your sad story.. So you had decided to end it all. After all this would end everyone's problems right? If you were gone everyone else would be happier right?

Well it didn't matter anymore because you had made your choice already. And there you were.. laying one the floor in your bedroom. A half empty bottle of pills next to you.

At first you felt nothing.. as a little time passed you started to get dizzy. Your eyes got blurry and you felt your legs giving up making you fall on the ground. And so you laid there.. taking your last breath as you heard it, the unlocking of the front door..

As Dazai entered your shared apartment he took off his shoes and coat, and walked to the living room expecting to see you there. However you weren't.. He called your name but there was no response. At first he thought that you were asleep in your shared bedroom but that thought was quickly forgotten when he saw you through the open bedroom door.

As soon as he saw you he ran towards you. He immediately took you in his arms and started calling out your name. Tears were running down his face as he held you closer begging you to wake up. He wished this all was just a sick joke or an awful nightmare from which he will wake up and see you alive but it wasn't.. you were gone and laying lifeless in his trembling hands.

He didn't know why you did it.. you never told him that something was bothering you.. you never said a thing. But what broke his heart was the fact that he didn't realize it on his own.. He thought that it was his fault!

>>MORE OF MY WORKS<<

[analisegrey]

From a new(ish) WIP that I’m unsure how I feel about at the moment…

(For context, Pete’s grandmother has just passed away)

“Is there anyone we need to get a hold of? Anything immediate we need to do?”

Pete seems to have stopped actively crying for the moment, but keeps himself tucked against Vegas’s chest, his words slightly muffled.

“We should let Macau know, maybe Porsche. Other than that not really; I’m not sure who else I’d tell. She was the last family I had, and everyone else who should know lives there already.”

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart.” He doesn’t know what else to say, and he hates it. When he needs them most his words abandon him, leaving him floundering and unsure how to help, so instead Vegas gives him another tight squeeze.

The feeling stays with him the rest of the day, doing his best to just be with Pete, to make sure he eats and drinks, makes sure he’s there if Pete needs him. He takes care of the travel arrangements to get them to Pete’s hometown; they’ve visited before, so he knows where it is. He’s let Macau know what’s happened, and as much as he wants to go, he has midterms he can’t miss. He tells Vegas he’ll be thinking of them the whole time, to please let Pete know how sorry he is, and that he’ll visit as soon as he can.

He also informs Porsche, in part because he’s Pete’s friend, but also because as head of the minor family, it’s courtesy to let him know that both Vegas and Pete will be out of Bangkok and largely unreachable.

“Oh no-” Porsche sounds genuinely sorry when Vegas tells him. He knows Porsche had also met Pete’s grandmother at least once when she was convinced to come to ‘the big city’ for a visit, and she’d charmed him just as much as she had everyone else.

“Please let me know- let us know- if there’s any way we can help. Take all the time you need.”

While he appreciates Porsche’s concern, Vegas swallows down the desire to point out he’d rather crawl naked over razor blades than ask his cousin for so much as a tissue after a sneeze.

For Pete he would; for Pete he’d do a whole host of things it’s probably best not to think about. So instead, he takes a deep breath and thanks Porsche, lets him know if they need anything they’ll let him know, and will be in contact when possible.

The rest of the day is spent in a liminal haze.

They pack for the next day, and he makes sure to go back through Pete’s suitcase, uncertain how much Pete is actually paying attention to what’s going in it. Every so often he’ll catch Pete sitting, staring off at nothing, so deep inside his own head that Vegas isn’t convinced he’s aware there’s anyone else in the room with him.

As the day starts to wind down he makes sure they have dinner, something filling but maybe not as spicy as Pete typically likes. Pete doesn’t say anything, just mechanically eats what’s put in front of him. Something twists uncomfortably in Vegas’s stomach with the knowledge that Pete’s hurting, knowing with equal certainty that there’s nothing he can do to fix it.

When they get in bed for the night Pete burrows close, like he’d open up Vegas’s chest and climb inside if he could, and Vegas’s arms come around him to pull him closer.

Vegas thinks Pete’s crying again, even if there isn’t the sound of it. Pete’s trembling, with a shuddering breath every so often, and Vegas just squeezes him tighter when it happens. It seems to help a little; that kind of tension isn’t sustainable, and eventually he feels Pete’s body relax, going slack against his as sleep claims him.

Vegas takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly. He wants so badly to be everything Pete needs in this moment, but realistically knows he’s going to fuck it up somehow. He’s only just figuring out how to be someone other than the man his father turned him into, how to be something other than a sharp-toothed weapon. He’s still that- will always be that- but he’s learning he can be other things, too, even if he’s not very good at it yet.